Jackson Free Press

I was an only child until age 10, at which time my parents sprang the news that I would soon have a new baby brother or sister. On May 20, 1987, our family welcomed my younger sister, Chantal, into the world. I was ecstatic! However, as the years went on, and I became a self-absorbed teenager, the "newness" of my sister wore off, and I spent more time shooing her out of my room than doting over her.

From back in the days of Cain and Abel, sibling rivalry has existed--that jealousy, competition and fighting between brothers and sisters. In my experience, my conflict with my sister wasn't based on a lack of love, but rather the inability to adjust to sharing my parent's affections with another person.

Psychologists Whiteman, McHale and Crouter wrote in a 2007 article, "Competing Processes of Sibling Influence: Observational Learning and Sibling De-identification," that children and adolescents spend more time with and participate in more activities with their siblings than with either parents or peers outside of school hours. Siblings often serve as models, advisers and caregivers for their younger sisters and brothers.

Lucky for me, I came to my senses when I got to college, and my sister and I got back on the right track. We exchanged letters and phone calls often. We learned what Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist and poet Alice Walker meant when she wrote, "Is solace anywhere more comforting than that in the arms of a sister?"

My adult friendship with my sister is now based on a mutual respect for each other's lives and views of the world. I feel privileged to be my sister's trusted confidante and role model.

When our mother died in 2011, the bond we share grew stronger and the solace I found with Chantal was vital to my grieving process. As sisters, we share a history. We can bear witness to what it was like growing up in our house. We laugh over shared memories of our mother, mourn her and help each other heal. Likewise, we work together to make sure our dad is taken care of in our mother's absence.

I am aware that not everyone has a loving relationship with their siblings. I have known families where siblings are bitter enemies due to long and deep-seated indiscretions and wrong-doings. And for those, I lift up silent prayers for reconciliation, or at least forgiveness. Because family--siblings--are irreplaceable. Once they are gone, only memories (and perhaps 
regret) are left.

Although Valentine's Day is usually celebrated as a romantic holiday; I would urge you to take some time on the 14th to show your siblings how much you care. Whether it's a card, gift, phone call, dinner date or taking a moment to remember a deceased siblings--love is best when it is shared.