Nurse Tootie McBride: "Good afternoon members of the media and concerned community citizens. Welcome to the McBride Family press conference announcing 'The Caravan of Love, Peace, Protection, Self-Defense, Voter Registration and Motivation Crusade.'
"Yes, I've noticed the heightened hatred, bigotry, mess and distress. I mean curious and peaceful people attending political rallies getting sucker punched, beaten down and kicked because they are African American, Hispanic, Muslim, etc.
"I don't know how you all feel today. As for my siblings and me, we are inspired to do what we think is right. So the McBride Family is preparing to help anyone who is an unfortunate recipient of a bigoted beatdown or racist rage.
"Our plan is to organize groups to help victims of political-rally violence get the help they need. We want the people of the world to see there is a better way for us to be with 'The Caravan of Love, Peace, Protection, Self-Defense, Voter Registration and Motivation Crusade.'
"Whether it is a Democratic or Republican political rally, our crusaders will be there with medical treatment, security, legal representation, voter-registration assistance and information.
"Want to be a part of this crusade? Sign up tonight during the Old School Message Music Marathon at Clubb Chicken Wing. The McBride family encourages every woman and man to join 'The Caravan of Love, Peace, Protection, Self-Defense, Voter Registration and Motivation Crusade.
"Remember: Our crusade is funded by the 'Let Me Hold Five Dollars National Bank Kick Starter Fund.'"