Rev. Cletus: "Welcome to a very special radio broadcast of the Rev. Cletus Car Sales Church program.
"It looks like this world we live in has revealed itself in the forms of turmoil, hatred and insanity.
"Sometimes, I wonder if listeners of this broadcast really notice what's going on these days.
"Just a few days ago, something terrible happened in a place called Syria, and the world was about to go to war. It reminded me of something I read in the book of Revelation regarding wars and rumors of wars, followed by nation rising against nation.
"But wait, there is more.
"The first-ever Indian American (not to be confused with Native American) woman won the Miss America pageant and received a backlash of racist rants on Twitter.
"Also, on an early Saturday morning, an African American man survived a car wreck in a neighborhood in Charlotte, N.C. While seeking assistance, a police officer shot this man 10 times and killed him.
"In Washington, D.C., a Navy contractor and former reservist heard voices and decided to open fire at the Naval Sea Systems Command, killing 12 people before police shot him dead.
"Folks, it's time to be aware and remain safe. Therefore, the Rev. Cletus Car Sales Church will launch a 'Praise the Lord and Protect the Saints from Hostility, Confusion and Evil Community Self Defense Program.'
"I will provide more information about the program later. In the meantime, remember: Those who endure to the end will be saved.