Run It Like Mississippi | Jackson Free Press | Jackson, MS

Run It Like Mississippi


Mitt Romney visited Mississippi in spring 2012 and said the nation should be run like Mississippi.

At a campaign stop in Pascagoula (where Gov. Phil Bryant endorsed his run for the presidency), Mitt Romney said that, "if the federal government was run like Mississippi, the whole country would be a lot better off."

The JFP welcomes Romney into the fold and is eager to share the many benefits of its state's government with the nation. Here's what the United States would look like if Romney got his chance to run it like Mississippi:

• Pennsylvania Avenue would close every other week to repair burst water pipes.
• The president would be an international corporate lobbyist, and no one would care.
• The president would propose consolidating majority-black cities to make them run more efficiently.
• The White House press corps would have to find out about briefings by watching FOX News.
• The president would be co-chairman of Personhood USA.
• The national flag would celebrate the Confederacy.
• Drill, baby, drill in the Potomac!
• Charles Manson, Terry Nichols and the underwear bomber would be trustys at the White House.
• U.S. Rep. Steve Holland, D-Miss., would propose renaming Mexico as New America. Brazil wouldn't get the joke, prompting an international incident and a campaign to rename South America to South Mexico. (Incidentally, many Americans know the continent as Mexico, anyway.)
• The United States would ask for more handouts from the United Nations than any other nation.
• To be elected president, you would have to go to Ole Miss or a university outside of the United States.
• Barack Obama would wear monogrammed cowboy boots.
• Hillary Clinton would take a sledgehammer to Iran's nuclear testing facilities.
• The United States would be one of the poorest nations on the planet.

Got any more ideas of what the United States would look like if Gov. Mitt Romney gets the chance to #runitlikeMississippi? Tell us on Twitter @jfppolitics, using that hashtag.

Legacy Comments

See Editor-in-Chief Donna Ladd's response in this week's editor's note:


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