Mr. Announcement: "G-SPAN (Ghetto Science Public Affairs Network) presents the ‘Lord Have Mercy I'm Still Unemployed Center Summer Jobs Summit.' Rev. Cletus, spiritual advisor and pastor of Rev. Cletus Car Sales Church, is the guest motivational speaker."
Rev. Cletus: "Bless your broken hearts and tired souls. As I look around this room, I see desperate and anxious people enduring cycles of progress and uncertainty. All I can say to the unemployed is this: ‘Don't allow joblessness to challenge your faith and patience. And when being unemployed is just too hard to bear, take a deep breath and pray the unemployed workers' prayer.'
"Please repeat after me:
"Our father, who is in heaven, this is a desperate plea:
We need jobs; We need them now—on earth with a company that has decent benefits!
Give us this day a successful second interview.
Forgive our moans, gripes and complaints about how broke we are, as we forgive the employer who fired us.
And let us not be tempted to beg, borrow and steal from our working neighbors.
But deliver us from becoming part of the 9 percent unemployment rate.
For we will be grateful about having a job and not lavishly spend our hard earned money again. Amen!'
"I prayed this prayer when General Motors laid me off about 15 years ago. Now, I'm a car-selling pastor!
"So, if you need an inexpensive vehicle to drive to your new job, come to Rev. Cletus Car Sales Church and ride off with a blessing."