[Stiggers] Tuning the Toyotillac | Jackson Free Press | Jackson, MS

[Stiggers] Tuning the Toyotillac

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Ken Stiggers

Mr. Announcement: "Live from the Clubb Chicken Wing Multi-Purpose Complex, G-SPAN (the Ghetto-Satellite Public Affairs Network) presents a brief press conference held by Big Deacon Jones, chairman of the deacon board, head mechanic and company spokesperson of Rev. Cletus' Car Sales Church. He will address concerned citizens, church members and the Ghetto Science Department of Transportation about using older model car parts to manufacture Hybrid Hoopties."

Big Deacon Jones: "The media has informed everyone about some newer model cars having problems with the accelerator pedal sticking or the brakes malfunctioning. Many of our customers stopped driving their recently purchased Hybrid Hoopties and started taking the Double Dutch Sunday Service Church Express Bus to the morning and afternoon church services. Also, our customers had their Hybrid Hoopties towed to the auto shop in the back of the church, assuming that the deacon mechanics will repair vehicles after church service. Rev. Cletus doesn't like the deacon mechanics to repair cars on the Lord's Day—if you know what I mean.

"To the concerned citizens of the Ghetto Science community, I'm here to inform you that vehicles like the Toyotillac (combination Toyota and Cadillac) and other Hybrid Hoopty models are safe to drive, because we make them with parts from older models. You know—during the time when cars were pretty reliable. So, continue to get from points 'A' to 'B' during these slow economic times with a Hybrid Hoopty from Rev. Cletus Car Sales Church."

"Ride off with a blessing!"

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