Grandpa Pookie: "Welcome to the first annual Ghetto Neighborhood Safety Fair, Picnic and Disco—organized by the Ghetto Science Team Neighborhood Protection Agency, Aunt Tee Tee Hustle, Nurse Tootie McBride, Senior Ladies in Church Hats and Senior Men in Church Suits.
"The organizers of this event want common folk to discover safety alternatives for their property, finances and identity. You are invited to look at our exhibits that show how to defend yourself in these times of criminal brutality.
"Our first exhibit is the Crime Alert wristband, belt clip and necklace transmitter device, invented by Aunt Tee Tee Hustle. Watch what happens when an unsuspecting burglar tries to harm my lovely wife, Grandma Pookie. She presses the 'Rebuke and Beat-down Button' on her transmitter device, and within seconds, the Church Hat Sisters' Praise Patrol comes to the rescue. The burglar is rebuked, beaten down and taken to late-night Bible study at the Rev. Cletus Car Sales Church.
"Our next exhibit is the Multi-webcam Surveillance System. Connect as many as five webcams (placed at doors and windows of your home or apartment) to a TiVo device to record suspicious activity. Make the criminal say the refrain to that one-hit wonder Rockwell song: 'I always feel like somebody's watching meeeee!'
"And our final exhibit is the My Dog Bites Ass Anti-Theft System (Michael Vick/Pit Bull edition). All I have to say is: 'Who let the dogs out?'"
- Ray Carter
The Rev. Cletus Car Sales Church? Can you trust a church where the pastor sells cars? LOL