The Jackass Brays: Are You Listening? | Jackson Free Press | Jackson, MS

The Jackass Brays: Are You Listening?

Friends and readers, it's been a busy week for Dr. S. He won't bore you with the details, since he doesn't remember any. But he does recall something about Halloween, martinis and a woman in a cat suit. Then it gets blurry. And Dr. S' head starts hurting. So let's get it on ...

Did you know Auburn coach Tommy Tuberville is the subject of a new hit move: It's called "Jackass." The Liar returns to Oxford today for a game with fading Ole Miss. As usual, he will be the object of hate for many loyal Confederate fans. Dr. S understands perfectly why Eli fans still hate Tubby. After all, what did the Human Resume ever do for Ole Miss, besides pulling the Rebel football program out of the toilet? Being an Ole Miss fan means never having to face reality ... except on Saturday. Both the Rebels and the Tigers have been unbeatable at home. Since this one is in Oxford ... Coach Cut 24, Coach Cut 'n Run 21.

Meanwhile, Kentucky lumbers into Starkville playing better than usual. The Kats should be good, they have some of the best players money can buy. That's why they're on probation and can't go to a bowl game. It's the worst cheating seen in Kentucky since the last time UK recruited basketball players. Their 500-pound quarterback, Jared "Man Mountain" Lorenzen has led the Cheat-Kats to a 5-3 record. Meanwhile, Mississippi State can't go to a bowl because the 3-4 Bulldogs suck. Hopefully they learned to block, tackle and catch the ball during their open date last week. Don't get your hopes up ... Pay U-K 31, Doggones 21.

The fur has been flying at Jackson State this week as coach Robert Hughes says that AD Roy Culberson isn't providing him with what he needs to win. Hughes should know because he hasn't provided his team what it needs to win, like preparation, discipline, focus, flexibility, coaching ... Culberson refuses to discuss Hughes' future as coach, since Hughes doesn't have a future as coach. Still, the Tigers should handle Arkansas-Pine Bluff, provided JSU's addle-brained offensive scheme doesn't get QB Robert Kent killed first ... Woe, those Tigers 35, Gilded Lions 28.

Elsewhere, Hinds will end its season by beating East Mississippi 28-17. Alcorn will beat slumping Southern U.35-30. Former Mississippi Valley coach Larry Dorsey returns to Itta Bena as coach of Prairie View. Dorsey will experience deja vu when he loses in Itta Bena again: Valley 35-7. Delta State, which is running out of quarterbacks, visits Harding, Ark.; Belhaven's Brawling Blazers travel to Pikeville; Millsaps calls on the University of the South (aka Sewanee) and Mississippi College goes west to play Texas Lutheran.

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