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What NOT To Do When Camping


by Melia Dicker and Darren Schwindaman
June 3, 2009

• Instead of bringing toilet paper, just use ivy.

• Take a self-guided “Into the Wild” tour of Alaska.

• Twitter constantly while leading a hike into the forest.

• Slather yourself with honey-scented lotion and sunbathe by stagnant water.

• See if the Crocodile Hunter’s wrestling techniques work on alligators, too.

• Play the banjo with a stranger in Appalachia, especially if that stranger is an albino boy.

• Wear stiletto heels to go rafting.

• Protect your head in the woods by wearing a deer antler hat.

• Adopt a feral boy you discovered while hiking. No matter how loving your family is, he will try to kill you.

• Encounter Sasquatch sleeping in the woods and shave your initials into its back.

• After running out of lighter fluid, use hairspray or gasoline.

• Set out in the Maryland woods alone to prove that the Blair Witch isn’t real.

• Play with bear cubs.

• Sleep in a tricked-out RV and complain about “roughing it.”

• Bring a 24-pack of beer instead of water.

• When your friends offer you s’mores, announce, “I don’t eat marshmallows because of the high fructose corn syrup. That stuff will kill you.”

• Reenact “Deliverance” as a practical joke on your friends.

• Run out of Doritos on the first day and resort to cannibalism.

• Test your campfire-building skills in the outdoors section of Wal-Mart.

• Ask a strange woodsman to help you pitch your tent.

• Teach your children “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.”

• Bring your pet rooster so you and the whole campground can embrace the dawn.

 
posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 06/03/09 at 05:33 PM. [printer version]    Share |

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Feb 10, 2012 | 02:12 PM
Holland's Gulf of America Bill Sweeping the Nation
DonnaLadd: Thanks, Maddow, for the credit and the link love for this post: on.msnbc.com/yflZ4j
Feb 09, 2012 | 09:50 PM
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redlion: Interesting story. I actually patronized one of Scott's stores during a recent six week stay in the DC area. Still have a re-useable shopping bag from there. Had ...
Feb 09, 2012 | 04:55 PM
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thabian: Loved this column not only for the very important subject matter, but because it contained a truly entertaining voice. I wanted to read more!!!!
Feb 09, 2012 | 04:35 PM
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DonnaLadd: Let's not forget when Rep. Holland tried to ban abortion back in 2006. Many of us weren't laughing about that stunt. Here's a 2010 report on him and a ...
Feb 09, 2012 | 04:15 PM
Holland's Gulf of America Bill Sweeping the Nation
Jason Meeks: brief mention of it in video :) by Colbert (via Twitter trending) http://tpmmuckraker. talkingpointsmemo.com/201 2/02/mississippi_rep_want ...
Feb 09, 2012 | 04:01 PM
Holland's Gulf of America Bill Sweeping the Nation
DonnaLadd: Oh, and I love it when Mississippi punks the nation.
Feb 09, 2012 | 03:57 PM
Holland's Gulf of America Bill Sweeping the Nation
DonnaLadd: I'm surprised anyone took it seriously. We heard about it earlier the week, and it seemed obvious before it was Holland. But we all deal with him. I'll ...
Feb 09, 2012 | 03:40 PM
Holland's Gulf of America Bill Sweeping the Nation
Lori G: I thought it was genius when I saw it. Of course, I knew the Colbert joke. I think that is the problem. In this state, there just aren't enough people that ...
Feb 09, 2012 | 03:20 PM
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DonnaLadd: I can totally see Holland on Colbert, both pretending to be conservatives! Ha!
Feb 09, 2012 | 03:16 PM
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rlnave: Attorney General Jim Hood was worried for nothing. Even though he was at the Supreme Court making arguments in the ongoing pardon case this morning, I'm hearing that Jackson Democratic Rep. ...
Feb 09, 2012 | 03:16 PM
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Lori G: This is an old Colbert joke! I wish someone would send this to Colbert. I swear, I think he'd cover it.
Feb 09, 2012 | 03:02 PM
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DonnaLadd: By the way, I looked up an image of the patch our captain friend gave us. Apparently, he is with the 25th Infantry Division; read more here.
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DonnaLadd: Case in point from the Christian Science Monitor: Whole Foods Killing off Small Natural Food Stores: After years of delivering organic produce to health-food ...
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DonnaLadd: This is a mixed blessing. They sell cool stuff, but they could shut McDade's and Rainbow down if we're not all careful about where we spend all our food money. ...
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DonnaLadd: Amazing column.

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