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What NOT To Do When Camping
by Melia Dicker and Darren Schwindaman
June 3, 2009
• Instead of bringing toilet paper, just use ivy.
• Take a self-guided “Into the Wild” tour of Alaska.
• Twitter constantly while leading a hike into the forest.
• Slather yourself with honey-scented lotion and sunbathe by stagnant water.
• See if the Crocodile Hunter’s wrestling techniques work on alligators, too.
• Play the banjo with a stranger in Appalachia, especially if that stranger is an albino boy.
• Wear stiletto heels to go rafting.
• Protect your head in the woods by wearing a deer antler hat.
• Adopt a feral boy you discovered while hiking. No matter how loving your family is, he will try to kill you.
• Encounter Sasquatch sleeping in the woods and shave your initials into its back.
• After running out of lighter fluid, use hairspray or gasoline.
• Set out in the Maryland woods alone to prove that the Blair Witch isn’t real.
• Play with bear cubs.
• Sleep in a tricked-out RV and complain about “roughing it.”
• Bring a 24-pack of beer instead of water.
• When your friends offer you s’mores, announce, “I don’t eat marshmallows because of the high fructose corn syrup. That stuff will kill you.”
• Reenact “Deliverance” as a practical joke on your friends.
• Run out of Doritos on the first day and resort to cannibalism.
• Test your campfire-building skills in the outdoors section of Wal-Mart.
• Ask a strange woodsman to help you pitch your tent.
• Teach your children “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.”
• Bring your pet rooster so you and the whole campground can embrace the dawn.
COMMENTS
:: recentcomments
Nov 20, 2009 | 06:37 PM
[Editor's Note] Love Thy Neighbor
Izzy: it's not enough to just study something - at some point you have to act. Systematic exclusion can be read as hatred, even when those involved in it do not feel it to be that. This is ...
Nov 20, 2009 | 06:37 PM
[Editor's Note] Love Thy Neighbor
J.T.: Wintrhop, your last sentence "I don't want a small and manageable God. I prefer one that I can't fully understand." bears out that we each have perceptions of God. And, when the ...
Nov 20, 2009 | 06:03 PM
[Editor's Note] Love Thy Neighbor
Wintrhop Sargent: Funny you should mention the gender issue of a deity. I was at lunch with a St. Andrews priest one time and a very conservative member of the Cathedral came to our table ...
Nov 20, 2009 | 05:37 PM
[Editor's Note] Love Thy Neighbor
Izzy: I wouldn't be too sure your church doesn't preach hate if your liturgy is not gender-inclusive. Think about it - is God really a "He" or a "Father"? Those are some images or visions of ...
Nov 20, 2009 | 03:35 PM
Barbour Wants to Merge State's Black Universities
baquan2000: Goldenae - you pointed out a key element in your post, "the point is that he would even suggest such a thing. And the sad part is that from the polls, the people ...
Nov 20, 2009 | 03:15 PM
[Doyle] From Dixie, With Love
amoderatemississippian : check out the following link: http://www.oxfordeag le.com/news2.html It does appear, by the article written today, that possibly a sizeable portion of the student body ...
Nov 20, 2009 | 02:55 PM
[Editor's Note] Love Thy Neighbor
Wintrhop Sargent: WMartin - At the church I attend, St. Andrew's Cathedral, there is no teaching or preaching about hate (unless you include the teaching and preaching AGAINST hate). I'm ...
Nov 20, 2009 | 02:10 PM
[Doyle] From Dixie, With Love
ladd: A fail-safe principle I've always sworn by: If the Kluckers agree with me about something, I need to rethink it.
Nov 20, 2009 | 01:39 PM
[Doyle] From Dixie, With Love
Goldenae: I would truly be ashamed of myself if I looked at life and others the way the some people do. Some folks can not put themselves in another person's shoes to save their lives. It is ...
Nov 20, 2009 | 01:27 PM
Barbour Wants to Merge State's Black Universities
Goldenae: Why is it so hard to understand that regardless of what we would like to think, there are different standards. That is quite obvious in Barbour's suggestion of ...
[Editor's Note] Love Thy Neighbor
Izzy: it's not enough to just study something - at some point you have to act. Systematic exclusion can be read as hatred, even when those involved in it do not feel it to be that. This is ...
Nov 20, 2009 | 06:37 PM
[Editor's Note] Love Thy Neighbor
J.T.: Wintrhop, your last sentence "I don't want a small and manageable God. I prefer one that I can't fully understand." bears out that we each have perceptions of God. And, when the ...
Nov 20, 2009 | 06:03 PM
[Editor's Note] Love Thy Neighbor
Wintrhop Sargent: Funny you should mention the gender issue of a deity. I was at lunch with a St. Andrews priest one time and a very conservative member of the Cathedral came to our table ...
Nov 20, 2009 | 05:37 PM
[Editor's Note] Love Thy Neighbor
Izzy: I wouldn't be too sure your church doesn't preach hate if your liturgy is not gender-inclusive. Think about it - is God really a "He" or a "Father"? Those are some images or visions of ...
Nov 20, 2009 | 03:35 PM
Barbour Wants to Merge State's Black Universities
baquan2000: Goldenae - you pointed out a key element in your post, "the point is that he would even suggest such a thing. And the sad part is that from the polls, the people ...
Nov 20, 2009 | 03:15 PM
[Doyle] From Dixie, With Love
amoderatemississippian : check out the following link: http://www.oxfordeag le.com/news2.html It does appear, by the article written today, that possibly a sizeable portion of the student body ...
Nov 20, 2009 | 02:55 PM
[Editor's Note] Love Thy Neighbor
Wintrhop Sargent: WMartin - At the church I attend, St. Andrew's Cathedral, there is no teaching or preaching about hate (unless you include the teaching and preaching AGAINST hate). I'm ...
Nov 20, 2009 | 02:10 PM
[Doyle] From Dixie, With Love
ladd: A fail-safe principle I've always sworn by: If the Kluckers agree with me about something, I need to rethink it.
Nov 20, 2009 | 01:39 PM
[Doyle] From Dixie, With Love
Goldenae: I would truly be ashamed of myself if I looked at life and others the way the some people do. Some folks can not put themselves in another person's shoes to save their lives. It is ...
Nov 20, 2009 | 01:27 PM
Barbour Wants to Merge State's Black Universities
Goldenae: Why is it so hard to understand that regardless of what we would like to think, there are different standards. That is quite obvious in Barbour's suggestion of ...
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