by Dylan Irby
That is funny because it is from a videogame.
Today is my last day working here. I am flying back to Colorado on Monday. I'm going to miss being here and doing this stuff, but I knew I would go back eventually. Six weeks sure went by fast, it seems like only 3 weeks ago I was walking in for the first time. Okay, maybe that's not all that fast, just like double speed of regular time, but whatever. I'd totally stay if I could but I have those OBLIGATIONS and stuff back home.
But you know, the worst part is flying back. Flying back. Flying is seriously the worst thing ever. Especially with this beard, they think I'm a terrorist or pedophile or both and give me weird looks. I've never gotten any extra searching, just hand swabbing for explosives residue. Not saying I wouldn't enjoy a cavity search, but it'd probably take way too long, and I just want to get the whole flying experience over with ASAP.
Security I can deal with. They're probably giving me cancer and it's a gross violation of privacy that bothers me in principle, but having to deal with it is not the worst thing in the world. It's everything AFTER that. Getting to the plane can be a pain, expecially when there are errors on the signs telling you that gate 39A is somehow to the left and right at the same time(I am not kidding, DIA has something like that). Then the planes themselves, ugh. They charge you hundreds upon hundreds of dollars, even more for bags, and then pack you into a tiny tube that is often in a state of disrepair. Some airlines literally duct tape wings back together if there is a crack.
Of course, the airlines cannot be bothered to do maintenance regularly, because they are too busy overworking pilots to get as many flights in every day as they can. I was flying to Winnipeg to see my girlfriend once, and the plane just BROKE. It just BROKE. And then after an HOUR on the runway they told us we had to go get a new plane. All I had to eat was McDonalds, because we were late getting anywhere and I would rather die than eat airplane food. And then when I got to Canada I had to face the most well-armed TSA agents I have ever seen. They were not joking around. They even took me aside for questioning because I had no note from my parents. What kind of 17 year old would run away on a PLANE to Canada AND BUY A TICKET BACK? I will answer that question: the type that does not exist. What did they think I was going to do, take over Canada?
All planes have one thing in common. They are split into the seats where you get out first and you are comfortable to a degree that makes you feel like you actually paid for something, and the seats where you are basically their prisoners being transported in a cramped old van. The leaning back is laughable. HA, I say, HA. The trays are flimsy, and the chairs are built more for human-like robots than actual people. Not to mention that they do not do any prep beforehand and will just randomly move you around or kick you off because they sold two of the same ticket and the other people got there first.
Airlines suck, airplanes suck, and I just want to be Tom Cruise in "Top Gun" so I can fly an F-22 or something everywhere I go.
Oh, yeah, goodbye and stuff too, to everyone at the JFP.
I feel just like a purple Pikmin.
Comments
Use the comment form below to begin a discussion about this content.
Sign in to comment