When I was younger, I would annually trot out the usual suspects when it came time to make my new year's resolutions. You know the ones: lose weight; quit smoking; improve my relationships; get a boyfriend; re-connect with people I lost touch with.
I stopped making those kind of resolutions a long time ago. These days, I'm more inclined to look at where I'm coming from than individual, specific outcomes.
The Bhagavad Gita (Song of God), an ancient Sanskrit text written about 1,800 years ago, suggests that we spend way too much time with our to-do list items instead of contemplating the reasons why our lists are so long. Just do the things that need doing, the text instructs. It's our job in life to know what they are, and then to do them for the pure joy of doing the right thing. Don't get hung up on specific actions or even specific outcomes. "On action alone be thy interest, never on its fruits. Let not the fruits of action be thy motive, nor be thy attachment to inaction."
Easier said than done.
Like you, I live in a deadline-driven, production-oriented world. My bills are due on specific dates. This paper goes to press on Tuesday afternoons. My stories have deadlines, as do my edits. Deadlines run my daily schedule, my budget, even my leisure time. If I fail to meet any of them, I will have consequences to deal with. And not being a naturally organized person, I tend to be hyper-organized so I don't miss anything.
Not be attached to the outcomes? How the heck do I do that?
I think that part of the answer lies in knowing why I do what I do. Of all the reasons why I choose to work at the Jackson Free Press, and there are many, two reasons stand out: First, the JFP was the first place I found in Mississippi where I didn't feel like I stuck out like the lib'rel Yankee that I am. No one here cares about my political party or church affiliation, or the lack of either as the case may be.
The main reason that I work here, though, is because I believe that the JFP makes a difference in people's lives, in our city and by extension, in the world. I know that anything that can shake us out of our routine patterns of thinking is a good thing. Agree with or believe what's in our pages or not, it really doesn't matter. If what you read provokes you to consider something new or dig into your habitual beliefs a little deeper, we've done our job.
Mississippi, as it turns out, is the perfect place to be if making a difference is important to you. I know that our work touches people's lives. In small and large ways, we've influenced people with our stories to take stands and make things happen.
In light of the enormous space that we have to make a difference in this state, I'm not attached to particular outcomes. I mean, pick your issue—health, education, the justice system, equality, racial reconciliation. Pick two. The thing that's simply incomprehensible to me are those who just sit back, watch, complain and do nothing in the face of suffering.
So with that in mind, here's my first resolution for 2012: Do the next right thing to make life better for someone every day.
That does include me, by the way. Like most of you, I have some folks I should finally forgive completely (including myself). That would lighten my personal psychic load a good bit. I tend to procrastinate, catastrophize, become anxious, moody and get into "life sucks" moods. So, yes, that resolution includes me. And, by the way, a smile, or authentically saying please or thank you counts, too.
Resolution No. 2: Be kind.
God knows that there's enough suffering in the world that I don't need to add my impatience and snarkiness to the mix. Being kind should be easy, but it's not always. When someone strikes out at me, I want to strike back. I get angry and irrational sometimes, and I say things without thought. I have attributes that I've groused about for years that aren't budging without plastic surgery or a brain transplant, so I might as well make peace with them.
No. 3: Be healthy.
Gag. "Lose weight" will simply never go away, will it? Wham. Straight to results I go. But there's much more under that umbrella. My health is not awful, but I resist things like checkups, eating mindfully or exercising regularly. I have lots of room for growth here.
Resolution 4: Say yes instead of no whenever appropriate.
Nothing ever happens unless I say yes to the opportunities in front of me. Each time I say no, I shut the door on possibilities. Well, maybe not every time. I could say no to cake a little more often, thus "appropriate."
No. 5: Practice compassion, but don't forget to set boundaries.
Sometimes I confuse compassion with pity or obligation, and it's neither one. True compassion is putting oneself into another's shoes, then taking the appropriate actions to relieve the suffering you find there.
We all suffer. All of us have reached points in our lives where we think we can't go any lower. And then the floor dropped out. We've all had our hearts broken and dreams crushed. Everyone's been disappointed. None of us has had perfect health. No one has or will escape the grief of losing a loved one. We've all felt the pain of loneliness or isolation, or the embarrassment of saying or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. All of us suffer and, therefore, all of us can recognize suffering in others.
I like to think I'm different from the man begging in the street or the woman selling her body. I want to believe my faculties will stay intact and my body not betray me. The truth is, I'm not different and not so special. My circumstances may be a little better, that's all. Recognizing that sameness is what can help me develop compassion. It doesn't mean, however, that I need to melt in an emotional puddle or let someone walk all over me.
In a well-known Zen koan, a student comes to his teacher wailing about his lack of spiritual progress.
"I'm so discouraged," he says. "What should I do?"
"Encourage others," is the master's reply.
And that's resolution No. 6: Encourage others.
I think maybe if I stick with resolution No. 1, the others may follow. Do the next right thing to ease suffering. Be kind. Be healthy. Say yes. Practice compassion. Encourage others.
Happy New Year, everyone. Peace.
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