Brett Starrchild: "I'm Brett Starrchild, the other token Caucasian TV host of the Ghetto Science Team Cable Network. Welcome to the final round of the new dating show, 'No Romance Without Finance During the Recession!' Bachelorette Shay-Shay Dupree must ask the three bachelors behind the wall two more questions before she makes her final decision. Which one will she pick?"
Shay-Shay: "Starting with bachelor No. 3, what do you do for a living?"
Bachelor No. 3: "I'm an unemployed freelance journalist with a part-time job."
Brotha Hustle: "I'm a self-employed street vendor, selling various products and cold drinks."
Philmo Jones: "I'm a night-shift manager and day-time public relations/marketing representative for Y'all Mart."
Shay-Shay: "In this recession, nothing in life is free. My question to each bachelor is: 'What can you do for me?'"
Bachelor #3: "Had I not used that $50 gift card from the Let Me Hold Five Dollars National Bank, I would take you out on a romantic dinner."
Philmo Jones: "Because you're so special, Shay-Shay, I would take you out to lunch at a sandwich shop inside Y'all Mart and give you a $100 Y'all Mart Blue Light Special gift card."
Brotha Hustle: "Shay-Shay, I would wait for the government to send me my economic stimulus check before I make any promises. I'm sorry. How about an ice-cold six-pack of good ol' Juicy Juice?"
Shay-Shay: "No romance without finance! I'm sorry, Brett."
Brett Starrchild: "Folks, we're without a love connection in the recession."
I think Shay-Shay is shallow (pardon the alliteration). All three guys have the potential to be great financially, and she says no because they're not bankin' already. See, when Bachelor #3 starts his own publication, Brotha Hustle becomes a successful entrepreneur and Philmo becomes a Y'all Mart district manager, she'll be wishing that she held out a little longer.